. These views can be detrimental to a couple who have had the courage to look for help. Though, I didn't personally find it distracting. I found the book depressing as it gives numerous examples on what goes wrong in these mixed relationships and little if anything about how to improve them. Her survey group is somewhat small--which is understandable given the time period in which it was written. Now, I read a lot of autism literature and I've never heard that claim anywhere else, much less seen it verified. To somebody who is neuro-typical they can seem wrapped up in themselves and indifferent to others.
If the decision is for the counsellor to work with the couple then a very clear contract needs to be negotiated. If there are children involved then there may be problems expressed by the couple in how they should be brought up. As there is an increasing number of people with Asperger, and as more and more reach adulthood and seek relationships and have children, this is becoming an important topic. One flaw with Aspergers in Love—which is why I gave it only four stars as opposed to five—is that, having been published in 2003, a full ten years before I read it, Aspergers in Love all but takes for granted that the diagnosis is less understood, has less social support, and is just plain less ubiquitous than it is in late 2013. So I wanted to find out more about why communication seems to be such hard work. I am not in an Aspergers couple, but picked out this book as there are people in my wider family circle who - almost certainly - have Aspergers.
This could result in an individual who may have high academic achievements, a responsible and skilled profession or field of employment and yet be quite unskilled in social interaction and communication. If the decision is to have a diagnosis it is useful to first contact the National Autistic Society4 and obtain a list of recommended diagnosticians. Change is very difficult to produce in the rigid and inflexible world of Asperger syndrome. It does not affect academic intelligence, only social intelligence. Mental and Physical health and Aspergers. She's no great stylist but it's arranged in clear, short chapters with bullet point summaries at the ends. In this reader's mind, a social handicap is no less valid than a physical inability.
New methods and strategies will need to be learned and put into practice. Perhaps its best aspect is its offering of lessons in how to compensate for the difficulties in communication and empathy that Asperger's causes between life partners. How would you know if one partner of a couple sitting in front of you suffered from Asperger syndrome? If one of the partners is affected by Asperger syndrome and therefore unable to give or even understand the need for these basic ingredients, then the relationship is almost certainly going to run into problems. Where the behavior of many couples described by Aston is far more egregious than mine ever was, Asperger's is more prominent now, and where far fewer couples had the benefit of a counselor with specific expertise in Asperger's in 2003, that is not the case in 2013; I even know several couples personally who have persevered in the face of Asperger's. She profiles couples she's se Maxine Aston is a controversial figure in the Aspie community. The written word does not require the same form of thought processing as verbal communication and it can work far more successfully with individuals with Asperger. Awareness may be crucial to the couple or individual involved and as research has shown, it may make the difference between a couple staying together and parting.
On her website she tends to blame the Aspie partner for whatever problems the relationship may have, and say that the Aspie partner must change in order to save the relationship. In some cases this may partly depend on the awareness, understanding and response given by the counsellor. She profiles couples she's seen in her counseling practice, and explains common sources of conflict from both an Aspie and neurotypical perspective, highlighting areas of miscommunication without blaming either party, for the most part. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 29 4 , pp. So I wanted to find out more about why communication seems to be such hard work. Numerous relationship issues examined by Aston and those who were interviewed, including the many difficulties which both partners may face.
He is likely to be intelligent, hardworking, faithful and yet unable to take responsibility for the most basic of household tasks that involve any intuition or foresight. Communication and emotional reciprocity are often fundamental to whether a relationship works or not. This book did shed a lot of light on the subject. She may well be saying that she has brought the children up alone with no input from their father. She will be saying things like 'He can't talk about his feelings. This article therefore can only provide a mere insight into the challenges faced by a counsellor when working with a couple affected by Asperger syndrome.
It is a developmental disorder that shows up on brain scans—and it results in a different way of thinking not unlike dyslexia, but in a social sense. It is essential that the clients' needs take priority. Maxine delivers workshops for counsellors and professionals in an effort to raise awareness of Asperger syndrome. It is important to discuss with the couple the meaning of the label and the difference it will make to them individually and as a couple. This book did shed a lot of light on the subject. Asperger syndrome is a very complex and often misunderstood disorder. She may say this is because she cannot trust him to do anything for her.
Aston's work, first published in 2003, was a revelation. They are the key ingredients to maintain a relationship in a workable and functional state. If not, it would be advisable to refer the couple to someone who is trained in this area. If the client appears to be severely affected by it or in complete denial that he has any problems and blames his partner or the children, then it is unlikely that counselling will be successful. I felt less alone in my difficulty in romantic relationships due to Aspergers in Love as well. It is impossible to become familiar with Asperger syndrome via a textbook; first hand experience is worth its weight in gold. Often it is only those closest to the individual with Asperger syndrome, such as their parents and partners, who are truly aware of the problems the syndrome can cause.